The Enemy Squeezed Our Meat

My most dramatic form of protest ever was squeezing some meat.

My mother had turned 50 in the early 90’s and my family threw her a big birthday party to celebrate. We rented out and decorated a hotel conference room, hired the hotel’s caterer and bartender, invited all of Mom’s friends, and surprised her with the whole scene.  When the party was winding down, I noticed the caterer was traying up the cold cuts, so I asked her if it would be okay to take the leftovers home.

She said, “Not gonna happen.”

“Huh?  But we paid for the food on the table, why can’t we take it home?”

“That’s not how we do it.”

“Are you just going to throw all this stuff away?”

“Sir, you rented the food tray for the length of the party only.”

“Tell me you’re not going to use our picked over leftovers for another customer.”

“Sir, I have to get back to work.”

“Wait, I get it.  You just want to eat it yourselves, don’t you?”

“Sir, we’re through here.”

And that’s when I squeezed her meat.

What was left of the ham and turkey and salami deli-thin slices, the Swiss cheeses and two kinds of cheddars, olives, pickles, everything that was on her tray slithered between all ten of my young, angry fingers.

“Enjoy your snack,” I said and walked away.

Ho boy, was I a total Kyle back then.

Ryan Clayton of Americans Take action, on the other hand, protested the correct way. (Link to Article)  He infiltrated the White House press corps yesterday and when Trump was passing by, this ballsy young activist tossed a handful of miniature Russian flags at the president and yelled, “Trump is Treason.”

Trump said nothing, of course, and just kept strolling on by.

“Why are you talking about tax cuts when you should be talking about treason?”

Squeeze that meat, Mr. Clayton.

Trump’s Secret Service detail then surrounds the guy and the video stops, but I’m guessing Commie Flag tossing at the Chief gets you at least one night in jail and an overpriced bond to contend with.  On top of being arrested and charged with unlawful conduct, something tells me that Ryan Clayton also has a lifetime of IRS audits to look forward to.  He should probably assume that from this point forward, every phone call and new friend and Google search of his will be monitored by the Big Brother he just thoroughly pissed off.

That’s a lot of meat you’re squeezing, Mr. Clayton.

And a great reminder, by the way.  There’s still an ongoing federal investigation into the alleged dealings between Russian operatives and members of Trump’s inner circle.  In fact, they just picked up Dmitry Rybolovlev for questioning, who’s a central figure in the whole controversy. (Link to Article)  Ryan the Ruskie-Flag flinger doesn’t want tax cuts or tweet wars to distract us from figuring out just how much these communists actually did to influence our 2016 U.S. Elections.

That’s SO much meat.

Here’s what’s scary.  Republicans are in no hurry to find out that the only way their guy could win last November was with foreign aid, so to speak.  They’re just interested in squeezing out all things Obama and filling those voids with all things conservative, and granted, that’s what election winners get to do.  Now that they’re in, though, the temptation seems to be to forget or ignore how they may have gotten there in the first place, but that’s a huge mistake.  Neither the right nor the left can accept short-term political gains over long-term damage to our sacred election process.

As the caterer at my mom’s party would say, “That’s not how we do it.”

Healthcare, racial injustice, equal pay for women, a highly unbalanced distribution of new wealth, these are all critical issues that we must continue to examine.  But Ryan Clayton the Putin Pennant pitcher has put his own life on hold to remind us all that our ideological enemy, The Big Bad Bear, may have just had his hairy way with the American Dream.

And nobody gets away with squeezing our meat like that.

  • Mike Lukas


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