Throwing a sucker punch is easy, Kyle, it’s afterwards that’s tough.
Have you seen the latest viral video of the 26-year-old Carolina Panther fan (CPF) named Kyle sucker punching a nameless 62-year-old CPF in the face multiple times? Careful – it’s absolutely brutal. No warning, no physical escalation, just some back-and-forth heated words in the stands during the Panthers/Eagles game, then suddenly Kyle decides to bap. Bap, bap, bap.
The coward’s punch, the cold-cock, the cheap shot.
Kyle threw them all. He was upset because the older CPF had called him out (get this) for standing for the entire football game. Kyle was THAT guy, and his girlfriend was THAT gal. Side-by-side they stood tall in front of the other paying customers (who preferred to sit now and again) obstructing their view of the expensive NFL game.
Yet Kyle is the one who threw the sucker punch.
He didn’t like being told ‘no’, especially by an old guy, so he chump-popped him in the face. Now I’ve never met Kyle, but I’m going to make a few assumptions about this American douche and I’m willing to bet that at least a few of them are true:
- Kyle parks his sweet Silverado or Civic using more than one spot.
- Kyle talks on his i-phone 8 at the movie theater during the feature film.
- Kyle is an a-hole to his waiters and waitresses and store clerks.
- Kyle is a tailgater and refuses to use his turn signal.
- Kyle thinks his sexist, racist, homophobic jokes are funny.
- Kyle thinks it’s okay to hit a girl if she ‘deserves’ it.
- Kyle voted for DJT.
No offense intended if you’re a Trump supporter who does none of the things on this list. I’m sure you’re out there. But I had to include it because Kyle’s sucker punch reminded me so much of the coward’s punch that ol’ John (the Trumper with the cowboy hat) threw at the protester who was being escorted out of a Trump Rally. (Link to Video) Remember that one?
Let’s be clear, no matter who’s the president, you can’t throw sucker punches.
They’re considered cowardly, unfair, unethical, and in the eyes of the law, an assault. Kyle has been arrested and deservedly faces charges, lawyer’s fees, wasted hours, fines, and maybe even jail time. And like Kyle found out, in the era of cell phone cameras, those who do cowardly things in public will get caught.
And that will be his real punishment.
Let’s not forget – the video that shows Kyle acting like a butthead has gone viral. For as long as there’s an internet, millions of people will know that Kyle’s a sucker puncher, a cheap shot artist, a basic d-bag a-hole. Prospective employers and lovers will Google his name and find out the same thing. Co-workers, friends and neighbors will never look at Kyle the same way.
Nor will his mama.
Perhaps he can blame his IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder), which the National Institute of Mental Health says may be the cause of some forms of road rage, temper outbursts, and even spousal abuse.
Add sucker punching to that list.
But mental disorders aside, I blame this attitude of self-importance that I’ve seen brewing up in too many of our American citizens ever since DJT took over. This ‘I am an American, I can do whatever the hell I want’ attitude that is the exact opposite of what being a proud citizen, a decent human, is all about.
Take Kyle’s situation, for instance.
Kyle somehow decided in his me-me mind that his need to stand was more important than how it would affect the people sitting behind him. Screw them, I want what I want. Classic childish self-importance. And when an adult confronted him on this, the frustrated little baby lashed out with a bap. Bap, bap, bap.
And now the damage is done.
Throwing a sucker punch is easy, Kyle. It’s being known as a sucker-puncher for the rest of your life that will be tough. That’s gonna leave a permanent mark. But don’t worry, coward with a K, you’re not alone. Judging by the number of similar viral videos piling up since last November, there are plenty of other ‘Kyles’ out there who operate the same way as you do.
Including, lord help us, our very own Kyle-In-Chief.
- Mike Lukas
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